Wednesday, August 4, 2010

dear tall guy in the blue plaid shirt

Dear tall guy in the blue plaid shirt,

I saw you when I walked into the building. Your back was onto me but I knew it was you. Your shoulders are broad just the way I like them. I think it would be really nice to hug you.
I quickened my steps and followed you into the elevator. This is the second time we've been together there. You always have a smoothie with you. I love the fact that you wear glasses. You look so smart in them. You took them off for awhile earlier and I think my heart skipped a beat. I think I caught your eye. But that could be just my imagination.

I know more than half of my friends would argue that you are gay,but who cares?

Thanks for making the ride to the fourteenth a bit more exciting today.
I'm hoping for a third time.

Love, M.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

let it be

sometimes, no matter how hard we try, plans go wrong, people go away, things come late...
and we are left with no choice but pray and have some faith...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


after being quiet for so long,
it's so nice to be back :)

i chopped my long chemically-straightened hair.
am now rocking my shoulder-length naturally wavy locks!

Thursday, March 11, 2010


 these skirts make me wanna ditch my ever trusty skinny pants.

today's top five

i'm feelng a teeny bit sadder than usual today. in an effort to cheer myself up, i decided to list down 10 things that made(and makes!) me smile...

1. the blue cup (of tea) and orange saucer it's on that sitting on my desk right now. i just love that the mismatched pair looks rustic.

2. this spider tattoo.

3. sex on fire by kings of leon.

4. this makeup set. i'd kill for it.

5. my overgrown bangs. it's already past my eyebrows but i love how it softens my features!

6.the buttercream biscuits i just had. yum :)

7. who wouldn't love this shoe collection?

8. this. lol

9. the cake boss.

10. the walk home with kaye and jess.

this made me think...


i would have to say that it's been a long time. and somehow that bothers me. worries me.
have i become boring? have i lost my zest for life?
trying out new things used to top my list. it freaks me out big time but it's exhilirating all the same.
i used to live for the thrill. but now what? 
some days  feel so stuck in this daily routine of work and home. at the same time, i feel that i am left with no choice considering the tough times.

Friday, March 5, 2010

reading list

i'm sick and the only plan i have for the weekend is to stay in bed until noon, watch HBO and maybe finish one of the books on my reading list.

here are the books currently stacked on my bedside table:

choke by chuck palahniuk

the pelican brief by john grisham 

wicked by gregory maguire

what is about love that...

 what is it about love that reduces someone so extraordinary, spunky and crazy into a common girl?
that's how it is to me. and no matter how much i seem to resent it, it is refreshingly normal all the same.

being friends...


on my way home last night i, along with two good friends, came across Hank and his girl.
and man, i hate that girl. while spewing criticisms at her, in a flash of anger, i almost blurted out hank's biggest secret. my mind just clouded over and pure hate took control. it felt so good spitting it out. until about six blocks later i realized that had been in the wrong company, i would have totally wrecked our friendship.

and that made me appreciate what we have. although i will always want us to be more, for now, i can't stand the thought of not having any sort of relationship with him. he may not be my lover but i am still his friend. and this is what i am ultimately good at. i'm good at being a friend. and these past few days i'm becoming even more better at that with him.

Monday, March 1, 2010

first of summer

i can't believe it's march already! and since we have no spring here, it's officially summer :)
everything feels kinda lovely today...
i woke up feeling like i'm going to meet the One today.
do ever get that feeling? that you're going to meet that one person you've been longing for on that very day?
i wonder if we can predict such things. or feel it coming. can we tell when the One is on his/her way?
i think i just used the word feel in three consecutive sentences.well three's a lucky number people!

Friday, February 26, 2010

hank is sick

Hank is sick. and boy am i grabbing all opportunities to check him for fever ;)
seriously, that guy is sick a lot. seeing him all teary-eyed with cold and sniffing like that makes me want to take care of him. no matter how much i grew to hate hank, i will always have a soft spot for him.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

fab cupcakes


i love all things pretty and sweet so i cannot not post this.
fab cupcakes by wendy's cake art.
sweet :)

mr. 15th floor

i saw mr.15th-floor today and managed a half smile. i could've done so much better but when you see your occasional crush,it's simply not that easy.
who is mr.15th-floor? i don't know his name. nor his age. i'm guessing he's around 25 though. he works on the 15th floor but also has an office on the 14th (the floor where i work). he likes to look at me when we pass each other, give me an almost-smile-but-not-quite then walk away.he's never asked for my name. and i have no intention(at the moment)to ask his. sometimes, he looks like he wants to say hi. i bet i look like that to him sometimes,too. we've been like this for nearly a year now.
i would say he's nothing special, really. it's just that he manages to make me feel giddy and pretty. and to any girl, that's big deal.
i wonder if we will ever get around to actually saying hi. and what would happen after that.

Monday, February 22, 2010

the world's biggest liar

today, i feel like the world's biggest liar.
i don't think it's over yet.
sometimes i'm afraid that it will never be.
these past few days i've just been stronger.
but still it doesn't change the truth.
what is about you that just draws me near?
just one word...that's all it takes for you to own me again.
you never make me feel like you want me but you always make me feel like i want you.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

everything's cool,calm and quiet

 wow. it's been a few days but really there's not much to say. just a few things i'd like to have in the open. a few things that seemed to be too good to not mention.
thanks to the long weekend, i've had the chance to think a lot of things over(reasons why me being alone right now is not such a bad thing), watch nick and nora's infinite playlist (which i'm so in love with until now!) let go of certain things i didn't know i was still holding on to (like stuff that goes 15 years back!), talk to my mom about my fears of perpetual singledom (she dispensed a wonderful a advise!) and get some bangs (i'm utterly convinced that they're cute but a few colleagues beg to differ) :p

i didn't know that it was possible for all the personal drama with Hank to end. but mercifully,it did. he's no longer up here in my head all the time. he's no longer the first thought in the morning nor the last at night. i could care less about him now. all these without the feeling of bitterness. and man, it took me more than two hundred days to get it over with. that's been a lot of time so you can imagine how light it feels to have everything off my chest.

i don't know what i should call this period in my life. it seems like i have hit a lull. everything is just so quiet. nothing's really happening. old problems are still problems. everything's routine. there are some important decisions to make soon but i am yet to feel their gravity.

you'd expect me to feel bored but i'm not. change is more than welcome but i am really in no hurry to shake things up. there's a sense of relief. realization that the worst is over. not only pertaining to Hank but basically my whole life. i don't know how i can say that because i haven't been even halfway through. i think this is one of the things i'll be saying over and over as long as i'm breathing.

perhaps this is a time for growing up. a calm but apparent transition. like leaves turning orange in autumn.

Friday, February 12, 2010

glaringly single


i am glaringly single. in our team i am known as the single one. the one to be set up with guys. the unattached.
the one who's legal to flirt. oh boy, i love that last one.

i don't want to be all mopey this weekend just because it's v-day.
afterall, it's not really my fault that i'm single. it hardly ever is. single people are single because we either a.) choose to be, b.)haven't found the right one.

i'm happy for all the couples who will be celebrating. you guys are lucky to have found each other :)

honestly, i can't wait to meet the One. however while i am waiting, let me share with you one of the things that i enjoy about my single status:
i don't have to constantly update anyone about what i'm doing nor my whereabouts. there's this sense of freedom that is really quite enjoyable. i don't have to answer to anyone.

feel free to add your own reasons below.
and you can also ask your friends to join in :)



the glowing cheeks, barely there lipstick, beautifully defined eyes, and the sleek bun.
i just can't not post this.
simply stunning.

(via glamour)

just let me stare at you

just let me stare at you.

please don't protest.

that's all i'm gonna ask for today. promise.

Thursday, February 11, 2010



i'm guilty...
of changing.
of being scared.
of not knowing what to do.
of hurting you.
of (possibly) being the worst friend ever.

i'm guilty as hell. Cal's been asking me if anything's wrong. he said i changed. i think i did.
but it's only because i'm freaking out. this is me secretly freaking out. pushing people away. running the opposite direction. classic. it makes me sound like a guy. and i feel terrible about it.

why am i staying away from him? maybe because i feel uncomfortable? maybe because i don't know what to do? actually, i think i need to know what to do because i'm a girl. and girls are just good with dealing with things like this, right? maybe i'm not thinking straight.possibly, i'm also afraid. no, don't get me wrong. i'm not afraid of what i'm feeling because i'm pretty sure i know what i'm feeling. i'm afraid of what he's feeling. i'm afraid of his advances(yes there are still advances from him after this text!). i'm afraid of being this girl who broke his heart. oh God, i know how bad it is to have your heart broken.

what's worse is that i know i'm hurting him right now. but still i can't stand to be there with him.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

dear hank...


i don't miss you as much.
i don't want you as much.

natural lighting


i'm becoming a big fan of rooms with natural lighting.
i don't know much about this room that i came across so if any of you have any info about it then feel free to leave a message below.
i'd love to know whose work it is, where to find it and photo credit :) 

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

mid-month slump


well it's not technically the middle of the month yet but it is almost that time of the month. the dreaded pms. pre and post in my case. i came to calling these days the mid month slump because that's when it used to fall (thanks to an irregular cycle,it's on a different week of every month now).
i feel extra everything. extra hungry, extra sleepy, extra mopey, extra loud, extra jumpy, extra tired, extra irritable and maybe even extra annoying to some people.
it's's insane.
it doesn't help that tomorrow is a wednesday. i have to get up extra early to attend a meeting, work until 11 pm,and pull through one of the busiest of class schedules. it's basically a 15-hour workday! i guess they call it hump-day for a reason.

Friday, February 5, 2010



this room may seem messy at first but the natural lighting gives it an almost magical appeal.
i always wanted  a room full of books  and a place where i can keep a chestful of keepsakes,old love letters,and photographs. this place seems perfect. i can imagine spending hours here going through old stuff and writing.

Oh Cal...


 i have nearly forgotten the gravity of saying and hearing the words, " i love you".
after all , it's almost been three long years since i last said and heard them to and from a non-family member.
in the course of that time,i've thought of actually saying them a couple of times but always didn't because they felt strange on my tongue,like a foreign language. sometimes,i even think i forgot what it really means and what it's like to say them. sad but true.
i've haven't heard them in a long time...
until last night.

Cal,a good friend with the most hilarious sense of humor, texted me those three words last night.
only one thought crossed my mind as i read the message twice. is he serious?
 i'd be lying if i tell you that i had no idea. because i did. there has been a few times when he tried to express them non-verbally. the patience,the late night texts,the jokes...but after my encounter with Hank,i have vowed never to interpret such actions.

the thing is, serious or not, i don't share the same feeling.

Cal is just a friend. he's an amazing friend. he makes me laugh. and he pretends he understands even though i know he doesn't. he does three quarters of his best (i think) to make sure i'm fine. he's a great guy. but i just don't feel that way.

i care for him.but there's zero attraction. damn,i feel sooo bad saying that. i don't wanna hurt his feelings. the best thing i can do is pretend he said nothing. carry on with being friends. i'm doing the right thing,right?

i'm learning so much right now. i can't help but feel that this is Hank and me in reverse. i'm Hank and Cal's me.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

eyemask + dita = supersweet dreams

dita designs sleepmasks for moschino.

she's so gorgeous even with her eyes covered :)

(via sassybella)

dear hank...

dear hank,
i honestly thought i'm done with you.
well actually i am but there will always be something left to say as long as you're around.
well for now here it goes...
you look so good sometimes it pricks. it pricks so bad it renders me breathless.
i wanna roll up those sleeves of yours because i think your shirt will look better on you that way.
you always leave me wondering with the things you say and do.
how you not see me when i walk across the room and how i unexpectedly make you laugh with my most innocent reactions.  
if you'll let me,i'll rip those dark glasses off and show the world that you're really not just the chain smoking , reserved, and always cool dude you seem to be...
but an eight year-old who has an endearing laugh and loves mcdonald's,and looks like a puppy with a cold on bad days.


lolita via weheartit

i know february just started but it's sweltering outside and i can't help but conclude that summer --yes,summer -- is here.time for creative updos,light makeup,summer dresses,wedges,and pretty clips like the ones above!

Monday, February 1, 2010

red lips


i really wish i could pull off red lips. just look at these women.
i can't figure out my perfect shade and sometimes i get too conscious whenever i try on one!
i've tried shades for warm skin tones but i have this idea that shades for cool tones would suit me better.
so if any of you have tips about finding the perfect red lippie,or the right prod.then comment below. 
by the way,i'm asian (who looks more like hispanic),with a green/warm undertone,and plumper lower lips.

pasta,old photos and shaved brows

sunday was wonderful.i made pasta for my sister's birthday party and it was my first time to ever cook anything with parsley(it didn't look as good as the dish in the photo!)! I made ham and mushroom pasta. it turned an awful thousand-island dressing shade (eek!) but according to the guests,it was yummy.i don't think they were just being polite because i thought it was delicious, too.

it was unexpectedly fun to be surrounded by a bunch of young girls under 19(my sister's friends) .we looked at old pictures in ginormous photo albums my mom compiled over the years(they couldn't believe how chubby i used to be!)i wish to write more about the photos but i've got a pretty heavy workload right now so good luck tomorrow.

and also, after a month long retreat from the tweezers, i went to the neighboring salon to have my brows reshaped! my face looks brighter and my eyes had really stood out :)

Saturday, January 30, 2010


it's really hard to tell.

loneliness has a way of creeping up on me even on sunny and warm weekends.

he's out there somewhere...

hopefully she finds him...

(by sophie blackall on missed connections)

Friday, January 29, 2010

a quiet weekend for me

Goodbye Tsugumi by Banana Yoshimoto

i read Kitchen many months ago. i finished it on a cloudy and cold monday morning, cuddled up in my bed. and ended up crying.
it was just so sad and still so beautiful.

this one looks promising.

pretty flats

i can just imagine them looking so cute on my footsies.

(via simplesong)

i'm okay!


 i feel uncharacteristically happy and surprisingly alright despite blowing almost my entire pay to bills, debts, and more bills. thanks to an unexpected,unconsumed paid leave from last year (i didn't know i still had two left!two!),i had lil bit left that definitely won't be going to shoes but will be ulitmately useful. i guess this is what prayers are for.this is how they actually work.

let's end the work week with a really pretty vintage dress i found at 13bees.

i think that it could work as wedding dress (a simple church wedding on a sunny day with lots and lots of blooms) :)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

a loneliness worse than mine


i came across this post from Smitten earlier and discovered that there is a kind of loneliness worse that what i've been going through(read number 8).
imagine being with someone and still feel lonely and hollow. that must suck.a lot.
because for me, the whole point of being with someone is to not feel so alone anymore.
i'm not saying that couples should be together all the time like they're joined at the hip(again,that'll bore the hell out of you both in no time).but they should create the feeling in each other that other person is not going through anything alone ever again.

works like magic

today is going pretty well despite having less than eight hours of zzz's.
thanks to the light shimmery eyeshadow trick(light,pearly or shimmery eye shadow on the inner corner of your eyes and some on the lower lid),i look as perky as the red teletubby,Po(sorry, i can't think of anyone else!).i was really careful with my eyeliner so it won't end up smudged(grungy) or winged (outdated).and ofcourse, a generous coat of mascara.

i feel inexplicably giggly and i'm (GASP) in's damn strange yet damn good.
i have this smile plastered semi-permanently on my face since i left the house this noon.

anyway, i read somewhere (probably on Smitten or Shine) that people (especially guys) respond favorably to big and expressive smiles and today i discovered that it is true.really.
it's a shame that i can't find the original post but the article advised smiling with both of your eyebrows raised (very expressive indeed).it felt a little stupid the first few times i tried but i'm getting used to it.

i started testing it out last worked on one grandfatherly man from church who never really smiled at me.he looked so surprised (i guess because he's never seen me smiling like that before) but still gave me a really warm smile sans one front tooth that brightened my morning.

the next time was earlier today.first attempt flopped because the guy in question wasn't really looking.second attempt was the same because he looked away.but third time's the charm! he gave me a second look, smiled and struck a conversation( a very short one but still!)!usually, i would just raise my eyebrows ever so slightly at him,nod in acknowledgment, he would do the same then walk away.

so it really works.
it still feels a little unnatural smiling like that all the time but with such encouraging results, im willing to practice :)

my new crushie

jay sean..
Down's been on repeat on my music player since last night.
and my God...just look at those eyes...

Friday, January 22, 2010

will i ever?


today i saw a couple who shared a cup of frozen yogurt.
they snuggled together as if there's no space left in the entire world.
then the girl made her beau laugh.he gazed into her eyes and smiled.
it was so adorable how he did in such a boyish and genuine way.
he's happy.she's lucky.they're blissful.

and i wonder...

will i ever get  the chance to make someone laugh like that ever again?


dainty yet bold.

this will be great for valentine's day.
i'm thinking of pairing it with a simple white flowy mini dress.

not that i have a date nor i intend to hunt for one. 

Thursday, January 21, 2010


day 4 of inadequate sleep.everything moves at a dreamy pace and this morning's events are like distant thoughts are processed at a Pentium I pace my brain hurts.even humor fails.
it might take its toll sooner than later.i don't like the idea of having to go to the doctor again and have him tell me that i'm not taking good care of myself.i don't like telling him that i stopped taking the vitamins he prescribed one week after the checkup.
anyway i came across an article enumerating the serious consequences of sleep deprivation.this convinced me to do something about it.
i also found the top ten sleep thieves. i am so guilty of number 1.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

temporary insanity

things are looking up but i'm feeling down.
crazy, i know.
the littlest of things are sending me off the edge!
i can't remember how many times i had to bite down hard on my lip today to stop me from crying!

i should have remembered this trick i read about months ago.

the good thing about this is i know it'll pass.they always i never know.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


sabino via weheartit
i was terrified of not being able to sleep last night. terrified.
on my way home, i nearly cried (again!).
my heart drummed in my chest.
too fast.
too damn fast.

it was so familiar.
and it only meant trouble.
i dread lying on my bed all night and watching the window get light.
a sleepless night could only mean a crappy day.and two crappy days in a row means going crazy.and going crazy means losing more's a a vicious cycle.

things are not going so well right now.and the worries that keep me up at night are not of matters of the heart.
more like matters of life.bills,due dates,people getting old and sick,young girls to be a role model to,shoes to buy,birthday promises,dreams that always seem to slip away...

thankfully,after a prayer and thirty minutes of writing my lids began to droop.and in another thirty minutes,sleep came.

Friday, January 15, 2010

i believe... the loch ness monster.
 a fascination i've had eversince i was a kid.
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