december 25th went on like this: nightfall

after the sunset,we headed to the amusement park.killed my feet.ate fatfood,i mean fastfood(not to mention i had to wait more than half an hour to get it).went home.

i so badly wanted to ride the suspended roller coaster but thanks to the scheming amusement park management,you can't buy a single ride ticket.and in no way i am getting a three-ride ticket because with the long queuing,i would be spending more than half the night in line.if you think i outsmarted the amusement park guys,you're mistaken.they robbed off money from me by setting up games that have adorably cuddly stuff toys as prizes but are impossible win.

it was a good day.the last time i had fun during the twenty-fifth was more than ten years ago.my father was still around,i had a real relationship with other people other than the two i have now.

we got home just in time to catch the series my sister was crazy about.then we climbed to bed.then they went to sleep.

i didn't.

december 25th went on like this:the sunset

i'm a sucker for sunsets.i think it's the most emotionally moving part of the day.and i can't get enough of it.at the same time i'm afraid to see too much of it that i might lose my fervor for it like when a song loses it meaning because you play it over and over.

anyway,at five in the afternoon on the twenty-fifth.i dragged my lovely little family to the viewing deck at the mall,not minding how crowded and hot it was.we waited for almost thirty minutes before the ball of fire turned to its orange glory and majestically descended to the other side of the world.

basking in the last rays of the day,we laughed and posed for photos.at that moment,as i looked at the two of them,the whole world seemed insignificant.

he didn't matter.what i did didn't matter.nothing did except that i had the two most important people in my life with me.

cleaning out the closet

i've first compared ending this decade to moving out.but when i realized that i have nowhere to go and plans are still just plans,it's more likened to cleaning out my closet.an imaginary closet.a closet up here in my head.a vast space that housed ten or more years of memory,shame,secrets and some good things.

going through it,i felt happy,sad,terrified,embarrassed,nostalgic.for most part i shook my head.i held back some tears.sometimes i wasn't good at that so i ended up bawling.and there were a few times when i smiled.i just can't remember if i laughed.

the thing i wonder the most about is how in the name of heaven was i able to sleep with those not-so-little monsters lurking in there.

boxes filled with mementos are piling up.some are sealed and marked with "never open".i wish that these boxes and their contents will forever be gone.others are still open and spilling.i'm not done going through them.even so, i think i have more to throw out than to keep.

two years ago i literally cleaned out the closet in my room.figuratively making room for that someone who never came.i threw out love letters,tore some photos,but kept old roses.i think that didn't do the job.i didn't do that routine this year because physical clutter isn't the problem.it never was.

i used to be afraid of tossing out anything permanently.thinking i might need them some day.i guess it's because i didn't know what was important then,i think i have better idea now.

december 25th went on like this:lunch

so we went to the mall.where i come from, the mall is more than just a place to shop.if you're in the city,this is one of your best bets for entertainment.you've got the theater,restos,boutiques,bookstores,and arcades all at the same place.
and since it was the twenty-fifth,we expected it to be packed.
packed and not bursting as we found it was.
kids littered the floor like trash.i don't hate children if they are well-behaved.but children on that particular day scurried like mice on slippery granite floor.if you're not careful you might step on them.i think i did.once.no,twice.don't worry i said sorry.

we were craving for KFC but just like the rest of the place it was bursting.ridiculous.people it's christmas.your christmas.go somewhere special to eat.on a day like december twenty-fifth KFC is for people like us who just want chicken,mashed potatoes,on a tight budget and don't celebrate christmas.

after ten or so minutes of waiting for someone to finish their meal, we gave up the KFC battle (another defeat) walked in search for another place to eat and spotted a family soon getting up from their table at The French Baker.So we settle in less than five minutes,looked at the menu and realized we weren't in the mood for pasta or soup in a bread bowl.

needless to say we left and after walking for the next thirty minutes,ended up in place that is more suitable for drinking with your buddies at night than eating lunch with your family.

lunch was good ole sisig,a disappointing plate of cheesy mussels (too damn small!),overpriced Coke in cans, pandan macapuno icecream in minuscule proportions and a bill that a little over than a bucket meal at KFC that could have truly satiated us.

the only consolation was that the place was cool and and we didn't have to hurry getting up because someone was in line outside waiting to take our place.i guess now i know why there wasn't a line outside.or why a couple of families,mostly adults, reserved a table for the night.

next,i'll tell you about the sunset.

december 25th went on like this:battle of the pants

we have atleast seven pairs of jeans at home and if you think that would be enough for three three women (two young, one old),you're wrong.
out of all seven (or more) pairs,there's this one that fits the three of us perfectly.sister hood of traveling pants much?no! no magic here. just fast metabolism for one, good genes for the other and painful squats for me.
i gave up the jeans as quickly as one of the two claimed it's right to it that day.no problemo!i'll just shave and strut shorts.but then i had trouble finding a top that goes well with it...
the battle ensued.
except there was really no battle except stomping and murmuring on my part and finally settling for the non-stretch pair of pants.
i managed ten minutes after accepting defeat.
never mind that it pinched and i had to cuff it.

december 25th went on like this:morning

christmas is not celebrated in our house...
religion.
and i don't really feel bad about it.
so on the morning of december 25th i trudged down the stairs at 9:30 AM,opened the fridge then marched to the sofa with a cookie on my hand,half of which is already in my mouth.i slumped down and did what i love to do each morning...open the one of the greatest inventions of mankind:the television.
guess what's on? the Ring. american version. some guy from the channel's idea of a christmas special.
my sister came down next,we had breakfast with mom,spent the next three hours flipping through cartoons,movies,and music videos.all the while arguing what to do for the entire day.
we came to decision at noon and began the fight for the best jeans in the house...

cold,nice December smell

i know my friends are finding me increasingly strange because i've been asking them if they smell anything in the air.and i don't mean it figuratively.

my friends swear they're not wearing anything and that's probably the truth because i smell it even when i'm not around anyone.

it's everywhere.even inside the office building!
but not inside the house.
the colder it is,the more it is there.
it's driving me crazy.crazy good because it makes me feel giddy.

if only i could bottle that scent!

of all the people i've asked only one have said that she smells it too so that means i'm not in some kind of a trip.

i really do smell something. like perfume. extremely pleasing. and it reminds me of other cold but happy december nights.

psychological?probably.
but it is there!
weird much.

image from missedconnectionsny.blogspot.com

brrrrr....

i love the cool December nights...
have you noticed that the air really does smell different?
and i don't mean that it smells like christmas (whatever christmas smells like for you)...
there's this certain fragrance that i could not quite catch.
too light to be perfume and too heavy to be just flowers...
and it brings me that giddy feeling.

and oh, i love the lights!
i think the city is much more alive at night than in the day...

with the breeze blowing calmly about...chilly enough to make you wrap your arms around yourself (or have someone wrap theirs around you!) but still comfy to leave your hoodie off...

nights like this never fail to make me smile...