the golden eyed boy,narcisissm,and flicking off that switch

it's beautiful outside.
the soon-to-set sun is casting an almost golden glow on the buildings.
reminds me of someone who's not here anymore.

he's my forever dream.that's all he is.the impossible.the unattainable.the boy with the golden eyes.everyone knows what he is but what he is form me remains the same.it's been more than a year and i still refuse to put him in a box where i put all the other boys in.

anyway...

i'm almost a hundred percent okay.amazing how some people around me didn't even notice that i went crazy for awhile.
the narcissistic me thought that all eyes were on me.

well.i'm back and that's the most important thing.
i feel fine.sometimes i even feel super.
i'm back to dressing for myself.back to musing about a thousand different ideas.back to laughing as loud as i please.back to immersing myself in heartless paperback mysteries.back to caring less and being me.

there's a funny story i want to share, someone tried to get under my skin today.a
reckless remark to someone that she knew would hurt me. maybe it was intentional.maybe it's not.but you know which is more probable.
newsflash: i didn't feel anything.no stab nor prick.just an uncomfortable glance shared between the other person and i was done with it.i guess i was able to flick off the switch i was fumbling for all these months.

december 25th went on like this:the sunset

i'm a sucker for sunsets.i think it's the most emotionally moving part of the day.and i can't get enough of it.at the same time i'm afraid to see too much of it that i might lose my fervor for it like when a song loses it meaning because you play it over and over.

anyway,at five in the afternoon on the twenty-fifth.i dragged my lovely little family to the viewing deck at the mall,not minding how crowded and hot it was.we waited for almost thirty minutes before the ball of fire turned to its orange glory and majestically descended to the other side of the world.

basking in the last rays of the day,we laughed and posed for photos.at that moment,as i looked at the two of them,the whole world seemed insignificant.

he didn't matter.what i did didn't matter.nothing did except that i had the two most important people in my life with me.