Saturday, January 30, 2010


it's really hard to tell.

loneliness has a way of creeping up on me even on sunny and warm weekends.

he's out there somewhere...

hopefully she finds him...

(by sophie blackall on missed connections)

Friday, January 29, 2010

a quiet weekend for me

Goodbye Tsugumi by Banana Yoshimoto

i read Kitchen many months ago. i finished it on a cloudy and cold monday morning, cuddled up in my bed. and ended up crying.
it was just so sad and still so beautiful.

this one looks promising.

pretty flats

i can just imagine them looking so cute on my footsies.

(via simplesong)

i'm okay!


 i feel uncharacteristically happy and surprisingly alright despite blowing almost my entire pay to bills, debts, and more bills. thanks to an unexpected,unconsumed paid leave from last year (i didn't know i still had two left!two!),i had lil bit left that definitely won't be going to shoes but will be ulitmately useful. i guess this is what prayers are for.this is how they actually work.

let's end the work week with a really pretty vintage dress i found at 13bees.

i think that it could work as wedding dress (a simple church wedding on a sunny day with lots and lots of blooms) :)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

a loneliness worse than mine


i came across this post from Smitten earlier and discovered that there is a kind of loneliness worse that what i've been going through(read number 8).
imagine being with someone and still feel lonely and hollow. that must suck.a lot.
because for me, the whole point of being with someone is to not feel so alone anymore.
i'm not saying that couples should be together all the time like they're joined at the hip(again,that'll bore the hell out of you both in no time).but they should create the feeling in each other that other person is not going through anything alone ever again.

works like magic

today is going pretty well despite having less than eight hours of zzz's.
thanks to the light shimmery eyeshadow trick(light,pearly or shimmery eye shadow on the inner corner of your eyes and some on the lower lid),i look as perky as the red teletubby,Po(sorry, i can't think of anyone else!).i was really careful with my eyeliner so it won't end up smudged(grungy) or winged (outdated).and ofcourse, a generous coat of mascara.

i feel inexplicably giggly and i'm (GASP) in's damn strange yet damn good.
i have this smile plastered semi-permanently on my face since i left the house this noon.

anyway, i read somewhere (probably on Smitten or Shine) that people (especially guys) respond favorably to big and expressive smiles and today i discovered that it is true.really.
it's a shame that i can't find the original post but the article advised smiling with both of your eyebrows raised (very expressive indeed).it felt a little stupid the first few times i tried but i'm getting used to it.

i started testing it out last worked on one grandfatherly man from church who never really smiled at me.he looked so surprised (i guess because he's never seen me smiling like that before) but still gave me a really warm smile sans one front tooth that brightened my morning.

the next time was earlier today.first attempt flopped because the guy in question wasn't really looking.second attempt was the same because he looked away.but third time's the charm! he gave me a second look, smiled and struck a conversation( a very short one but still!)!usually, i would just raise my eyebrows ever so slightly at him,nod in acknowledgment, he would do the same then walk away.

so it really works.
it still feels a little unnatural smiling like that all the time but with such encouraging results, im willing to practice :)

my new crushie

jay sean..
Down's been on repeat on my music player since last night.
and my God...just look at those eyes...

Friday, January 22, 2010

will i ever?


today i saw a couple who shared a cup of frozen yogurt.
they snuggled together as if there's no space left in the entire world.
then the girl made her beau laugh.he gazed into her eyes and smiled.
it was so adorable how he did in such a boyish and genuine way.
he's happy.she's lucky.they're blissful.

and i wonder...

will i ever get  the chance to make someone laugh like that ever again?


dainty yet bold.

this will be great for valentine's day.
i'm thinking of pairing it with a simple white flowy mini dress.

not that i have a date nor i intend to hunt for one. 

Thursday, January 21, 2010


day 4 of inadequate sleep.everything moves at a dreamy pace and this morning's events are like distant thoughts are processed at a Pentium I pace my brain hurts.even humor fails.
it might take its toll sooner than later.i don't like the idea of having to go to the doctor again and have him tell me that i'm not taking good care of myself.i don't like telling him that i stopped taking the vitamins he prescribed one week after the checkup.
anyway i came across an article enumerating the serious consequences of sleep deprivation.this convinced me to do something about it.
i also found the top ten sleep thieves. i am so guilty of number 1.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

temporary insanity

things are looking up but i'm feeling down.
crazy, i know.
the littlest of things are sending me off the edge!
i can't remember how many times i had to bite down hard on my lip today to stop me from crying!

i should have remembered this trick i read about months ago.

the good thing about this is i know it'll pass.they always i never know.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


sabino via weheartit
i was terrified of not being able to sleep last night. terrified.
on my way home, i nearly cried (again!).
my heart drummed in my chest.
too fast.
too damn fast.

it was so familiar.
and it only meant trouble.
i dread lying on my bed all night and watching the window get light.
a sleepless night could only mean a crappy day.and two crappy days in a row means going crazy.and going crazy means losing more's a a vicious cycle.

things are not going so well right now.and the worries that keep me up at night are not of matters of the heart.
more like matters of life.bills,due dates,people getting old and sick,young girls to be a role model to,shoes to buy,birthday promises,dreams that always seem to slip away...

thankfully,after a prayer and thirty minutes of writing my lids began to droop.and in another thirty minutes,sleep came.

Friday, January 15, 2010

i believe... the loch ness monster.
 a fascination i've had eversince i was a kid.


i'm looking forward a very sane weekend.
finish the book i've been tons of movies.stay in bed until noon.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

another "how true"


if it were any other situation, i would have said differently but i'm starting to believe that i will be rewarded if i keep my mouth if that is what the business of waiting is all about.
well, who knows?
maybe it is.

you know...

i always said yes.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

a resolution

i should keep my heart where it belongs...
and that's not on my sleeve.
you won't hear a thing from me...


where's my sunshine?


gorgeousness to chase the blues away.
she is simply stunning.

we all long for this place

lou o' bedlam via luna

the ride home

i nearly cried on my way home last night.i felt like bawling as i listened to utada hikaru's first love (which is funny because the song's verses were in japanese and i don't understand japanese).
my heart whose pieces i painstakingly glued together began to fall apart and it stung.
i don't understand why i still have to feel that way since i have long accepted that we can't be together.
everytime i see them together feels like she's stealing what should be mine.which is illogical because he is hers before i came along.

and oh,by the way,he is not my first love.


lou o' bedlam via likecool

don't waste your time on jealousy.
sometimes you're ahead,sometimes you're behind....

(excerpt from the sucscreen speech by mary schimch)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

quarter-life crisis

emily martin via theblackapple

i am worried.
people have all these wonderful things planned for themselves.i do,too.
the difference is i can see them actually pushing forward while here i am feeling so stuck.

Monday, January 11, 2010

what else?

yesterday i broke my heart.
today i broke my shoes.
i wonder what else i might break before the week ends.

bad day...


Sunday, January 10, 2010

dear me...

dear m,

don't claw on open wounds.

sometimes i do feel like i'm holding all these random stuff in my hand. and some of them prick yet i don't drop them.

Friday, January 8, 2010


a kiss from me? hell yes.
but i said no.
you said perhaps on the cheek.
yeah sure.i gave you one.just a peck.
the only thing stopping me was the tuna on my breath.

don't you love this emily martin illustration? i do.

and this one too by sophie blackall:


 i haven't plucked my brows in three weeks and counting.
three weeks.
i thought i would look like the female Hulk by this time but no,actually i look tamer than i have for months.
see,i'm growing them out because thet had become so thin and even bald on some places!
i'm really looking forward to going to the salon and having them plucked in maybe another two to three weeks.
in the mean time,i'm doing my research on the perfect brow shape for me and dreaming of plucking them on my own (without it resulting to a disaster!).This blog was helpful.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

how true...

this is just so cute.i was looking for a new profile pic for my msn live and found this.i'm in love with the statement shirt,the hair,the scarf,and just about everything about is by an artist named emily martin and you could check out more of her work here.enjoy :)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


i'm having a bad case of wedding fever...
just awhile ago, i deliberately image searched wedding gowns and found this beautiful Monique Lhullier gown:

then i read a post on secrets to staying married on  Shine.
before you know it,i have planned my entire wedding from the location to the wedding cake topper for the umpteenth time. 

love sweet love...

russel brand and katy perry are reportedly engaged...
sweet isn't it?
just imagine,a guy like russel? before katy i thought this guy was just like any other asshole- incapable of falling in love.but there you have it, they're engaged. anyways,they are adorable.both crazy.both sexy. hope they walk down the aisle.they kinda remind me of pink and carey heart.

makes me wonder when i'll find my one.
equally crazy.equally tough.equally mushy.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

bird food and rabbit food

january is the month of crazy dieting.people who want to shed the pounds take advantage of the momentum the new year let me share with you the diets some of my friends are on:

1. vegetarian crackers (dubbed bird food because of the sesame seeds on top) and mineral water.
yes.just that.for the rest of the day.shout out to kaye.i wanna know your new diet.
i've been told that mineral water burns that true?more likely bs.anyway,i saw positve results on my friend.

2. banana for lunch. aloe vera water and watermelons for dinner.
yes.again.aloe vera tastes good because it's flovored,if it wasn't,it won't stand a chance.
i doubt this.the person who ate this today doesn't really need to lose weight.she just needs some good ole toning exercise.

3. banana and yoghurt.
i'd die.period.

4.banana for salad (rabbit food)for dinner.
give me my Big Mac and i'd do 50 squats and lunges in the morning.

now,they don't really eat the same thing everyday.they have some variety but basically that's it.except for number one that is.
crazy i'd say.tomorrow i'l buy some mc donald's and dangle the fries in front of them.just kidding.

Monday, January 4, 2010

the golden eyed boy,narcisissm,and flicking off that switch

it's beautiful outside.
the soon-to-set sun is casting an almost golden glow on the buildings.
reminds me of someone who's not here anymore.

he's my forever dream.that's all he is.the impossible.the unattainable.the boy with the golden eyes.everyone knows what he is but what he is form me remains the's been more than a year and i still refuse to put him in a box where i put all the other boys in.


i'm almost a hundred percent okay.amazing how some people around me didn't even notice that i went crazy for awhile.
the narcissistic me thought that all eyes were on me.

well.i'm back and that's the most important thing.
i feel fine.sometimes i even feel super.
i'm back to dressing for myself.back to musing about a thousand different ideas.back to laughing as loud as i please.back to immersing myself in heartless paperback mysteries.back to caring less and being me.

there's a funny story i want to share, someone tried to get under my skin today.a
reckless remark to someone that she knew would hurt me. maybe it was intentional.maybe it's not.but you know which is more probable.
newsflash: i didn't feel stab nor prick.just an uncomfortable glance shared between the other person and i was done with it.i guess i was able to flick off the switch i was fumbling for all these months.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

geek in the pink

the geek in the pink found someone hotter than i am.
i really don't see myself as hot but he calls me that.
but that's ain't the point.he found someone else.
i'm happy for him.
but i'm not sure why it makes me feel funny.
let me make this clear though: i am not jealous.
but probably envious.
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