i feel uncharacteristically happy and surprisingly alright despite blowing almost my entire pay to bills, debts, and more bills. thanks to an unexpected,unconsumed paid leave from last year (i didn't know i still had two left!two!),i had lil bit left that definitely won't be going to shoes but will be ulitmately useful. i guess this is what prayers are for.this is how they actually work.
let's end the work week with a really pretty vintage dress i found at 13bees.
i think that it could work as wedding dress (a simple church wedding on a sunny day with lots and lots of blooms) :)
i came across this post from Smitten earlier and discovered that there is a kind of loneliness worse that what i've been going through(read number 8).
imagine being with someone and still feel lonely and hollow. that must suck.a lot.
because for me, the whole point of being with someone is to not feel so alone anymore.
i'm not saying that couples should be together all the time like they're joined at the hip(again,that sucks.it'll bore the hell out of you both in no time).but they should create the feeling in each other that other person is not going through anything alone ever again.
today is going pretty well despite having less than eight hours of zzz's.
thanks to the light shimmery eyeshadow trick(light,pearly or shimmery eye shadow on the inner corner of your eyes and some on the lower lid),i look as perky as the red teletubby,Po(sorry, i can't think of anyone else!).i was really careful with my eyeliner so it won't end up smudged(grungy) or winged (outdated).and ofcourse, a generous coat of mascara.
i feel inexplicably giggly and giddy.like i'm (GASP) in love.it's damn strange yet damn good.
i have this smile plastered semi-permanently on my face since i left the house this noon.
anyway, i read somewhere (probably on Smitten or Shine) that people (especially guys) respond favorably to big and expressive smiles and today i discovered that it is true.really.
it's a shame that i can't find the original post but the article advised smiling with both of your eyebrows raised (very expressive indeed).it felt a little stupid the first few times i tried but i'm getting used to it.
i started testing it out last sunday.it worked on one grandfatherly man from church who never really smiled at me.he looked so surprised (i guess because he's never seen me smiling like that before) but still gave me a really warm smile sans one front tooth that brightened my morning.
the next time was earlier today.first attempt flopped because the guy in question wasn't really looking.second attempt was the same because he looked away.but third time's the charm! he gave me a second look, smiled and struck a conversation( a very short one but still!)!usually, i would just raise my eyebrows ever so slightly at him,nod in acknowledgment, he would do the same then walk away.
so it really works.
it still feels a little unnatural smiling like that all the time but with such encouraging results, im willing to practice :)
day 4 of inadequate sleep.everything moves at a dreamy pace and this morning's events are like distant memories.my thoughts are processed at a Pentium I pace my brain hurts.even humor fails.
it might take its toll sooner than later.i don't like the idea of having to go to the doctor again and have him tell me that i'm not taking good care of myself.i don't like telling him that i stopped taking the vitamins he prescribed one week after the checkup.
anyway i came across an article enumerating the serious consequences of sleep deprivation.this convinced me to do something about it.
things are looking up but i'm feeling down.
crazy, i know.
the littlest of things are sending me off the edge!
i can't remember how many times i had to bite down hard on my lip today to stop me from crying!
i should have remembered this trick i read about months ago.
the good thing about this is i know it'll pass.they always do.how? i never know.
i was terrified of not being able to sleep last night. terrified. on my way home, i nearly cried (again!). my heart drummed in my chest. too fast. too damn fast.
it was so familiar. and it only meant trouble. i dread lying on my bed all night and watching the window get light. a sleepless night could only mean a crappy day.and two crappy days in a row means going crazy.and going crazy means losing more sleep.it's a a vicious cycle.
things are not going so well right now.and the worries that keep me up at night are not of matters of the heart. more like matters of life.bills,due dates,people getting old and sick,young girls to be a role model to,shoes to buy,birthday promises,dreams that always seem to slip away...
thankfully,after a prayer and thirty minutes of writing my lids began todroop.and in another thirty minutes,sleep came.
i nearly cried on my way home last night.i felt like bawling as i listened to utada hikaru's first love (which is funny because the song's verses were in japanese and i don't understand japanese).
my heart whose pieces i painstakingly glued together began to fall apart and it stung.
i don't understand why i still have to feel that way since i have long accepted that we can't be together.
everytime i see them together feels like she's stealing what should be mine.which is illogical because he is hers before i came along.
and oh,by the way,he is not my first love. weheartit
i haven't plucked my brows in three weeks and counting.
yes. three weeks.
i thought i would look like the female Hulk by this time but no,actually i look tamer than i have for months. see,i'm growing them out because thet had become so thin and even bald on some places!
i'm really looking forward to going to the salon and having them plucked in maybe another two to three weeks.
in the mean time,i'm doing my research on the perfect brow shape for me and dreaming of plucking them on my own (without it resulting to a disaster!).This blog was helpful.
this is just so cute.i was looking for a new profile pic for my msn live and found this.i'm in love with the statement shirt,the hair,the scarf,and just about everything about it.it is by an artist named emily martin and you could check out more of her work here.enjoy :)
russel brand and katy perry are reportedly engaged...
sweet isn't it?
just imagine,a guy like russel? before katy i thought this guy was just like any other asshole- incapable of falling in love.but there you have it, they're engaged. anyways,they are adorable.both crazy.both sexy. hope they walk down the aisle.they kinda remind me of pink and carey heart.
makes me wonder when i'll find my one.
equally crazy.equally tough.equally mushy.
it's beautiful outside.
the soon-to-set sun is casting an almost golden glow on the buildings.
reminds me of someone who's not here anymore.
he's my forever dream.that's all he is.the impossible.the unattainable.the boy with the golden eyes.everyone knows what he is but what he is form me remains the same.it's been more than a year and i still refuse to put him in a box where i put all the other boys in.
i'm almost a hundred percent okay.amazing how some people around me didn't even notice that i went crazy for awhile.
the narcissistic me thought that all eyes were on me.
well.i'm back and that's the most important thing.
i feel fine.sometimes i even feel super.
i'm back to dressing for myself.back to musing about a thousand different ideas.back to laughing as loud as i please.back to immersing myself in heartless paperback mysteries.back to caring less and being me.
there's a funny story i want to share, someone tried to get under my skin today.a
reckless remark to someone that she knew would hurt me. maybe it was intentional.maybe it's not.but you know which is more probable.
newsflash: i didn't feel anything.no stab nor prick.just an uncomfortable glance shared between the other person and i was done with it.i guess i was able to flick off the switch i was fumbling for all these months.
the geek in the pink found someone hotter than i am. i really don't see myself as hot but he calls me that. but that's ain't the point.he found someone else. i'm happy for him. but i'm not sure why it makes me feel funny. let me make this clear though: i am not jealous. but probably envious.