Monday, November 30, 2009


i should have called in sick today.
i could feel the fever breaking but the pounding at the back of my head is as persistent as ever.

to keep it or not?

the big notebook collected dust on my bedside table for two weeks before i decided to write in it last night.

out of guilt i guess.
since i depended on such thing for so long.

strange that i started this blog when I had that lying around in full view,alongside the purple pen (that writes more like blue,as i found out last night).

blogging never appealed to me until last week when a friend asked me if I had one.

all of my sudden my thoughts didn't seem to fit in a notebook.

yes,they were safe in there.with only me seeing it and knowing where it is.
but they belong here.
as if they were meant to be risked.

mostly i'd be talking about people.
who they are to me and how,in their own small (and devastating) ways change who i am or who i want to be.

still i'm not sure how long i'd keep this.
or if i really should.
it's like telling a stranger your secrets (although not really telling them they are secrets) and hoping that they won't come across someone you know and share it.

Friday, November 27, 2009

another something to keep me up tonight...

did you just try to kiss me and i was too dense to even notice?
if only i had the courage to look up then i would know for sure...

Fed came to visit.i've gotten so used to his hugs that i automatically dismiss them as "friendly".
but somehow,today was different.and i only realized after he left.
i was too self-absorbed to notice.if that was really the case.i wish he knew i'd gladly take it.

or should i just blame my imagination again?

maybe my coffee was telling me something earlier.


i'm fine being alone.

but now as i sip on a cup of coffee,tasting its sweetness more than its bitterness...

i begin to wonder how much longer i will be.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

almost there...

it's a long train ride to happiness.
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