Friday, February 5, 2010

Oh Cal...


 i have nearly forgotten the gravity of saying and hearing the words, " i love you".
after all , it's almost been three long years since i last said and heard them to and from a non-family member.
in the course of that time,i've thought of actually saying them a couple of times but always didn't because they felt strange on my tongue,like a foreign language. sometimes,i even think i forgot what it really means and what it's like to say them. sad but true.
i've haven't heard them in a long time...
until last night.

Cal,a good friend with the most hilarious sense of humor, texted me those three words last night.
only one thought crossed my mind as i read the message twice. is he serious?
 i'd be lying if i tell you that i had no idea. because i did. there has been a few times when he tried to express them non-verbally. the patience,the late night texts,the jokes...but after my encounter with Hank,i have vowed never to interpret such actions.

the thing is, serious or not, i don't share the same feeling.

Cal is just a friend. he's an amazing friend. he makes me laugh. and he pretends he understands even though i know he doesn't. he does three quarters of his best (i think) to make sure i'm fine. he's a great guy. but i just don't feel that way.

i care for him.but there's zero attraction. damn,i feel sooo bad saying that. i don't wanna hurt his feelings. the best thing i can do is pretend he said nothing. carry on with being friends. i'm doing the right thing,right?

i'm learning so much right now. i can't help but feel that this is Hank and me in reverse. i'm Hank and Cal's me.


Anonymous said...

aaww . . . your "Oh Cal. . ." post was sweet in a way . You cannot force friendship nor love , just be your usual self around him , make no changes because then it becomes awkward , and hey you will never know , maybe one day you will feel the same about him , maybe the timing is just not right for you at the moment . You never know , but keep friends close and smile :) !

Kaye said...

you are not Hank.

:) I assure you that.

because you know how Cal feels, and I know you are careful with him
as his GOOD friend.

Cal will be there for you as you will be for him.

Although I don't know him, I sense that he is a good friend and will continue to be one even after the "i love you" incident.

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