Thursday, February 11, 2010

guilty

 
 weheartit

i'm guilty...
of changing.
of being scared.
of not knowing what to do.
of hurting you.
of (possibly) being the worst friend ever.

i'm guilty as hell. Cal's been asking me if anything's wrong. he said i changed. i think i did.
but it's only because i'm freaking out. this is me secretly freaking out. pushing people away. running the opposite direction. classic. it makes me sound like a guy. and i feel terrible about it.

why am i staying away from him? maybe because i feel uncomfortable? maybe because i don't know what to do? actually, i think i need to know what to do because i'm a girl. and girls are just good with dealing with things like this, right? maybe i'm not thinking straight.possibly, i'm also afraid. no, don't get me wrong. i'm not afraid of what i'm feeling because i'm pretty sure i know what i'm feeling. i'm afraid of what he's feeling. i'm afraid of his advances(yes there are still advances from him after this text!). i'm afraid of being this girl who broke his heart. oh God, i know how bad it is to have your heart broken.

what's worse is that i know i'm hurting him right now. but still i can't stand to be there with him.

2 comments:

Romantico said...

we have a Tunisian proverb which says "kis kbal ma tghis", meaning that you should measure the depth of water before you dive! so, before breaking one's heart, think a lot.
http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com/2010/02/love-is-flame.html

我 moi said...

we have a proverb in Cantonese which is "its better to have a shorter heartbreak than a longer heartbreak" meaning the shorter the relationship the less the heartbreak would be , the longer the relationship the longer lasting the heartbreak will be (hope that makes sense).

. . . and thank you for reading my blog from the start ^_^ Im so happy you are interested, I hope you can say you can see a change in my attitude since the first post, but to be honest I think Im still hung up on my first love :( whats worse is my friend said that Valentines Day (which I have an excuse and say Im celebrating Chinese New Year because it runs on the same day this year)she said to me its Single Awareness Day for single people, I can honestly tell you I would have burst into tears if we were not in a busy cafe.

Sorry for the long comment, I best leave you to do your thing ^_^ ciao ciao !

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